Intentional Creativity Teacher/Coach, Visionary Artist, & Reiki Master
A question was asked in the Color of Woman Teacher Training Monday Compass Check about “where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”. It came up again during the Red Thread Circle call today. I had to leave before I had the chance to say anything, I only had an hour today to listen. So, I decided I write about this now.
I find it interesting to think of this as a lot has happened with me in the last two weeks. As I was working my way through some assignments, there was one that would begin a big process of “letting go” for me. It was a combination to doing the “House of the Heart” session, my own “Mother’s Embrace” trial run for a workshop, and reading a book titled “Light is the New Black”.
The “House of the Heart” session brought up how I felt so out of place in the family I grew up in. I looked at the world differently than they did, and I didn’t react the same way to things the way most of my family and extended family did. It would be at midlife when I found out I was adopted, which played into the feeling of not belonging, and yet, I know it was much more than that. Inner work is a lot like peeling an onion, there are many, many layers and there is always more to uncover.
The “House of the Heart” session brought me to now making choices from a place of belonging, that I am acceptable and have much to offer this world. Which brought me to my own session, “Mother’s Embrace” which is about healing the story around my relationship with my mother. As I reflected on what is was like to be in her presence, I was reminded of the stories I needed to surrender. These were stories of unworthiness and not being good enough, and because I was adopted, of being “abandoned”. The abandoned theme was a big one that played out in many ways over the years, and the one that has kept me from fully stepping into my Light. In doing “Mother’s Embrace”, I shifted into a new story of being perfectly imperfect, good enough, and loved. The image of the mother within me embracing those parts that needed to know and feel this.
Which lead to an exercise in the book I mentioned, and this exercise brought out the final piece that needed to be released. It meant giving up remnants of a romantic 19-year-old’s idea of what marriage should be like after 42 years. This idea was also holding me back because if I didn’t hold to the notions that were hidden there, I would lose my marriage. What I realized was, I had to let this old idea go and be willing - yes, be willing, to let my marriage go if it happens. Doesn’t mean it will, I just need to let go of all those expectations wrapped up in the old story.
It’s funny how all this ties together when all of a sudden you run into old friends and you wind up talking about just these kinds of things and then it hit me, I know who it is I am meant to serve, who my Beloveds, or as I like to call them - my Sparks of Light, are. Women, much like myself only 20-30 years younger. Women who may or may not have children or life partner, but struggle with family issues, especially their relationship to their mother.
So, where do I see myself in 5 years? Holding workshops/playshops for women healing their “mother wounds”, even if their mothers are no longer in this world. Working with mothers and daughter side by side, which could be interesting and scary at the same time. And beneath it all is the teaching how to awaken to knowing that each of us is the creator of our own story, our own experiences, and that we always have a choice in what those experiences and how we respond to them are.
As for where, I see myself with my own studio as my home studio would become to small. I see this space near a downtown of a community where I live with a park near by. Until then, I see myself using my large garage at my home as a painting studio for workshops, with all the doors open, we can take in the natural surroundings, walk the labyrinth, and breath fresh air as we dance, talk, write, and paint.
I don’t know how often, yet, these sessions would be held. All I know is I am ready to finally create something that is “mine”, as in my work, my mission. I spent most of my life helping others, my parents, and supporting my daughter and husband in their pursuits; and it feels strange to think that what I am setting out to do I am doing on my own. Yes, my husband and daughter will support me, but only I can do the work I am setting out to do, and it is strange to think I am doing this on my own when everything has been about “us”. As I said, this has been about letting go of a lot of things that have held me back from this. Moving forward, I know that now it is finally time, and I am ready.
Debra Lynn – Intentional Creativity Teacher, Visionary Artist and Certified Life Coach.