Intentional Creativity Teacher, Visionary Artist, & Transformational Coach
If there is anything I learned this week, it was to remind myself that, to create what my heart desires I must get things straight within myself first.
To manifest in this world, we must be clear about what we desire. To be a successful artist like one I admire, I must feel, think, and be that inside for it to manifest on the outside. It is now always an easy thing to do, and sometimes well meaning people can lead us astray. That happened to me this past week. I had drifted away from what I usually do each day to keep myself centered and in alignment, and someone made a suggestion that I went along with.
My inner voice was trying to tell me, but I just didn't listen. The voice and energy of this other person helped me drown it out. As the week wore on, I felt worse and the world around me seemed more troubled as well. It took me having physical symptoms to finally listen and then I knew that if I continued to carry the energy and mood I was having on the inside, my world would truly fall apart.
I've been taking actions to bring myself back to Me, renewing my vision of what I desire in my life. I will still have to deal with this person, it's not all her fault; and tell her I won't be continuing down this path with her. It takes too much out of me. As I have started to bring myself back to what my heart desires, and Being that, my mood has been lifting and more creativity is flowing again.
I will keep you posted on what manifests for me as I do this. Just as the title of this blog says, this is a soul's journey, and mine is just as up and down as many others. All we can do is learn from it and then bring ourself back to the state of being that will manifest what we desire. And, this week taught me I was looking too much outward first, instead of turning inward and getting that straight.
Enjoy the video, and I hope this post brings some meaning for you.
Blessings to you.
Today I was struggling with doing some of the tasks before me so that I could provide all of you with valuable information and intentional creativity workshops when I became frozen with a fear that goes much deeper than fears I've faced in the past.
So, I decided it was time fore me to use the Intentional Creativity process for myself in an everyday situation. The photos below show the progression of the process and I must say, I feel a lot better and I now know what the fear is based around and I can set things up that will address it.
For any of you who have been following me, I am a channel, empath, healer, and coach. The fear that came up is what has stunted me from growing my coaching business. What it boils down to is, the idea of reaching out, getting to know 100s and 100s+ of you, and helping you in the way that I can, felt overwhelming, energetically. It was my mind's way of stopping me. The lesson I came away with after my little painting and journaling was done was have faith, trust in my Highest Self and my gifts, take the proper steps in self-care so that I can be my best in helping you.
There is more than I can share here, but I wanted to share that I even use this process and it does work. I hope with the photos you can get an idea of what it was like.
A question was asked in the Color of Woman Teacher Training Monday Compass Check about “where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”. It came up again during the Red Thread Circle call today. I had to leave before I had the chance to say anything, I only had an hour today to listen. So, I decided I write about this now.
I find it interesting to think of this as a lot has happened with me in the last two weeks. As I was working my way through some assignments, there was one that would begin a big process of “letting go” for me. It was a combination to doing the “House of the Heart” session, my own “Mother’s Embrace” trial run for a workshop, and reading a book titled “Light is the New Black”.
The “House of the Heart” session brought up how I felt so out of place in the family I grew up in. I looked at the world differently than they did, and I didn’t react the same way to things the way most of my family and extended family did. It would be at midlife when I found out I was adopted, which played into the feeling of not belonging, and yet, I know it was much more than that. Inner work is a lot like peeling an onion, there are many, many layers and there is always more to uncover.
The “House of the Heart” session brought me to now making choices from a place of belonging, that I am acceptable and have much to offer this world. Which brought me to my own session, “Mother’s Embrace” which is about healing the story around my relationship with my mother. As I reflected on what is was like to be in her presence, I was reminded of the stories I needed to surrender. These were stories of unworthiness and not being good enough, and because I was adopted, of being “abandoned”. The abandoned theme was a big one that played out in many ways over the years, and the one that has kept me from fully stepping into my Light. In doing “Mother’s Embrace”, I shifted into a new story of being perfectly imperfect, good enough, and loved. The image of the mother within me embracing those parts that needed to know and feel this.
Which lead to an exercise in the book I mentioned, and this exercise brought out the final piece that needed to be released. It meant giving up remnants of a romantic 19-year-old’s idea of what marriage should be like after 42 years. This idea was also holding me back because if I didn’t hold to the notions that were hidden there, I would lose my marriage. What I realized was, I had to let this old idea go and be willing - yes, be willing, to let my marriage go if it happens. Doesn’t mean it will, I just need to let go of all those expectations wrapped up in the old story.
It’s funny how all this ties together when all of a sudden you run into old friends and you wind up talking about just these kinds of things and then it hit me, I know who it is I am meant to serve, who my Beloveds, or as I like to call them - my Sparks of Light, are. Women, much like myself only 20-30 years younger. Women who may or may not have children or life partner, but struggle with family issues, especially their relationship to their mother.
So, where do I see myself in 5 years? Holding workshops/playshops for women healing their “mother wounds”, even if their mothers are no longer in this world. Working with mothers and daughter side by side, which could be interesting and scary at the same time. And beneath it all is the teaching how to awaken to knowing that each of us is the creator of our own story, our own experiences, and that we always have a choice in what those experiences and how we respond to them are.
As for where, I see myself with my own studio as my home studio would become to small. I see this space near a downtown of a community where I live with a park near by. Until then, I see myself using my large garage at my home as a painting studio for workshops, with all the doors open, we can take in the natural surroundings, walk the labyrinth, and breath fresh air as we dance, talk, write, and paint.
I don’t know how often, yet, these sessions would be held. All I know is I am ready to finally create something that is “mine”, as in my work, my mission. I spent most of my life helping others, my parents, and supporting my daughter and husband in their pursuits; and it feels strange to think that what I am setting out to do I am doing on my own. Yes, my husband and daughter will support me, but only I can do the work I am setting out to do, and it is strange to think I am doing this on my own when everything has been about “us”. As I said, this has been about letting go of a lot of things that have held me back from this. Moving forward, I know that now it is finally time, and I am ready.
This year I decided to take on Intentional Creativity Teacher Training through Color of Woman. Little did I know how it would change how I would see myself and my "business". In the world of business, you are supposed to focus on something specific and have a target market. Like most healers and creatives, we want to help everyone in whatever way that is needed. Even with my new focus on channeling, readings, and channeled art, I knew I was still skirting and dancing around being specific. I just didn't want to settle in on specificity. I know my guides are extremely frustrated with me. The human will can be very strong and it takes making a conscious choice to look at something in a new way. Even then the mind tends to say "why do you want to do that?” The Universe will always find a way to surprise you and move you toward what you’re called to do.
Taking the teacher training has allowed me to take a different approach because the process involves intentional creativity. It means stepping outside of my mind (left brain) and stepping into visioning, free writing, and painting; letting the soul and right brain take over to inform me. In painting, I have to step out of the world of logic and into the world of symbols and the unknown; putting on the canvas what I wish to - no need to - let go of first. Then I put down what wants to come forward and be expressed and created in my life.
It is cathartic to make marks on a canvas in ways that represent the "letting go", and to put an image down that represents what I desire is transformational. I thought my business was about creating Tokens of Spirit, Healing Paintings, and doing readings for people; what has come up for me in the last few days is leading me to something more specific. I can still do the afore mentioned things but now my purpose is more focused in working primarily with women. I have to say that, I have never felt comfortable working only with women, especially in circle. I know now where it stems from, and it is the reason the shift occurring is so important.
I've done a lot of healing and forgiveness on this issue since then. Both my parents are gone and now through ancestry.com, I have learned a little bit more about my origins. I've connected with someone who is very closely related to me, close enough to be my birth mother or her sister. She verified the story of my birth and added a few more details. It was exciting news and yet, I had to ask myself "why now?". Why is this "mother" thing showing up. Then my Muse's words stirred something in my mind, heart, and soul. It became clear that my first 50 years of life were my training ground in healing the "Mother Wound" in the family I grew up in, and for myself. It is the wound all women experience, to some extent, because of how they were raised and growing up in a patriarchal society.
I have healed that karmic connection to that wound with my mother, my birth mother (in visioning), and I raised my daughter differently than I was raised because I was determined not to create the same wounding. I was also reminded of all the female friends I had growing up, and even in adulthood, and the challenges they faced in regards to this wound. I always found it interesting that after I would go through something with my Mom, I would shortly thereafter be helping a friend deal with something similar.
What my Muse is pointing to is; while I have had to heal the "Mother Wound" in my own way, it is now time for me to help other women do the same, in a big way by helping them find the way that works for them. As I mentioned earlier about feeling uncomfortable in women's groups, this was because of the way I was 'wounded'. And yet, only by healing the wound do we heal ourselves, our relationships, and the world at large. Working with women was something I didn't want to acknowledge because that would mean I would have to heal that last little part of myself relating to honoring the warrior goddess within.
There is no denying it now, this teacher training is about that for me - to finally honor the last woman in my personal story - me. In doing so, I step into helping women heal their wound as well. I will say this, there is great relief when forgiveness and compassion allow for the letting go of all the crap in the wound. Being able to know who I am, not who others make me to be, creates confidence and courage to shine and express my own unique authentic voice. Living this life with a quiet strength and a forgiving compassionate heart make living it a Joy.
Stepping into helping women heal the Mother Wound , in whatever aspect that is for them, is scary, and makes my stomach lurch. Yet, it is a good scared. I'm ready to dive in with the women and help them find, reconnect to, hear, heal, and express their own unique authentic voices. So there will be changes happening on this website and blog to reflect this, as I create ways to share this process with all of you. Stay tuned as this journey continues. I will write more about the “mother wound”, how that may manifest for you, and the ways available to begin healing it.
Blessings, Love, and Golden Light to You All.
On Friday, I wrote about ((feelings+thoughts)=emotions)
+pictures=story. I have a variation on this equations that looks like this: ((feelings+thoughts)=emotions)+actions=
your life experience. This second equation has to do with making choices, and how those choices effect the way we experience our lives.
In the seconds that triggered the sadness, I let myself feel and cry without the thoughts, which allowed me to let the feeling go. I then was able to look at the thoughts, remember, acknowledge the loss, and then let them go. By separating the two aspects of what was going on with my emotions, I didn’t let them get stuck on me, nor was the sadness re-triggered. Before this particular day, I would have let the thoughts attach to the feeling and I would have been in a blue funk the the whole day. By being able to experience these aspects separately, I was able to remember my mother in a healthy way and release one more layer of grief.
Debra Lynn – Intentional Creativity Teacher, Visionary Artist and Certified Life Coach.
As a Channel, Certified Life Coach, Certified Emotional Empowerment Coach, Certified IC Teacher, Reiki Master and Holistic Minister – Debra has an innate sense of how energy moves and manifests in this world based on our unconscious and conscious thoughts, choices, and actions.